Recipe for transmuting life-long patterns

" ... and so , we give you a recipe . how you cook with it is your business." *)
This is an invitation to work with life from the place of understanding ourselves as 
co-creators. I don't know how others use this term, what i mean by it is looking at 
situations that arise from the place of taking 100% responsibility for whatever it is
that we experience/co-create in a given situation. 
Many people agree with the sentiment that we are co-creators, yet when it comes to
evaluating situations that challenge us, all of a sudden, we may find ourselves 
in a very familiar and well-rehearsed story... namely that what's "over there" 
has nothing to do with us.
I have come to understand that, however challenging the situation, 
our Soul-selves bring us together with great accuracy and for very good reasons.
When we allow ourselves to tune into that understanding, we can open to 
dropping below the surface of the happening to the medicine of it.
The medicine ( in my experience) is always something that is a reminder for
all of us. For instance, i had an interaction recently with someone whose
behavior reminded me of the fact that our anger and our buttons ( as adults)
are there long before someone comes along and stumbles over them.
This is often a place where people then distance themselves, saying
I'm not that way ( anymore/never was/am above that etc).
It's not easy to own the "messiness" of a challenging situation.
We may hide by distancing ourselves, staying with old storylines;
we may hide by surrounding ourselves with only those who reflect what we like,
we may hide by becoming more tolerant of the ideosyncracies of others, pretending to 
be "loving", we may hide by becoming compassionate witnesses to others,
projecting the "healing" to be necessary over there... yet somehow failing to be
compassionate enough to even consider our own woundedness.
We also love to hide/ distance by labeling everything that comes along as " drama".
It may be true but it won't help us to unwind our own stuff. 
The truth is that, no matter what level of consciousness we may find ourselves at
( or think ourselves to be at : ),
what and who comes together how is always medicine for us to collectively 
reflect on.
When we take 100% responsibility, it means to reflect on what happened from a 
place of owning the whole interaction without trying to set ourselves apart.
 Whatever issues may come up :
Boundaries, respect, anger, fear, rejection, control, passive-aggression, to name just a few, 
they are issues for all parties involved, not just for one side or the other.
We just happen to play out different parts of the story.
If we are to wake up and actually save ourselves from ourselves, then inquiring
into especially the situations that we most wish to disconnect ourselves from 
is really our only salvation. This may sound melodramatic, but for me it's
proven to be the truth...
 There's much talk of unity/ oneness and it's easy to
be "one" with what we consider wonderful ( though even that is something to contemplate:
we often don't think the Sunrise, the Bluebird, a tree in bloom is a mirror),
We are only whole, though, when we learn to embrace especially the things
that are not so easy to embrace... it takes openness and the willingness to dig deeper
to come to places of greater compassion and emotional honesty.
There are quite a few people who claim that they are doing this work already,
that they have nothing new to learn, that they are aware and " with it".
Suffice it to say that there are quite some layers to undo within...
One of my favorite quotes ( by Alexander Pope) is this:
" Some people will never learn anything, for this reason:
because they understand everything too soon"
Then there are others who claim this work is "too intellectual" and not heart-
oriented, which is also not true, if one really kneels into it. To those i would say 
that, if done correctly, this work ( in my experience) is an alchemical process,
something that brings together the heart and mind and is really, if done at depth,
a way of Soul retrieval.
It is also a deep spiritual practise...
 And then there are those
who like to say that one should "lighten up", when really, they are often quite 
heavy-handed themselves and like to distance themselves from whatever is 
uncomfortable = they are in judgment of. 

The thing is, that the part in us that is judgmental likes to believe that 
this kind of work is not relevant for whatever reason in order to avoid 
having to change...
My experience has been that what we co-create is amazingly accurate in 
regards to the challenge it asks us to face and that it doesn't have to be 
"heavy" at all, even if , at times, it may feel intense or uncomfortable.
In fact, the Universe has a great sense of humor and what comes often has 
an element of lightness in it, if we can open to it.
(We are all players and have known for millenia how to "bullshit" ourselves.)

 These are good questions to reflect on/feel in to : 
 In what way am I that way ? 
  Can i embrace whatever 
came up and see myself in the mirror, however uncomfortable ?  and:
Can i forgive myself for what i co-created ?
The point i'm trying to make is this :
It takes a whole lot of energy to pretend that there's nothing there for us 
to look at within. But it won't go away. We'll just co-create the same patterns
again and again, since SOULGROWTH is why we are here.
We're not here to be part of the economy or whatever ( although we may
get excellent lessons by participationg in it ).
We're here to grow. Unfortunately, the pressures are often such that we 
think we don't have the luxury (= time) to inquire within.   

Well, i have taken the luxury even if it meant to go slower and i can assure you that 
 - we don't die from allowing ourselves to feel the grief that underlies most reasons
for re-creating certain situations and
 - when we truly allow the underlying feeling to run through without judging it/ 
ourselves/ the world/ our parents etc. something lightens and shifts.
- the more we tune in, the lighter it can become
Let me give the short version first :
- Take 100% responsibility for creating the situation you find yourself in
- FEEL the feeling it has created
- align the judgment behind the feeling
-ask yourself : how else can i hold the situation? *)
 This actually requires the mind and heart to
work together, otherwise the dots won't connect. In that way this work is 
an alchemical process that can shift and lift the tension in the 
Solar Plexus that we hold when we are in fear/judgment.
Now. Many people like to think of themselves as non-judgmental.
I used to be one of them - i had done a lot of inner work and in my 
sessions, i often hold that place for others. Since it is slow and intentional work,
it's relatively easy to hold that space. However, I have certainly experienced 
myself becoming judgmental, especially when there is an interaction 
in which i become afraid for whatever reason ... So, meanwhile, i find it much 
more helpful to allow myself to become aware of when , where and how i am
judgmental, since that's the only way we can transform it ...
Denial does not help us to transform our "hang-ups" !
The first step , taking 100% responsibility for whatever happened,
whatever situation (conflict/dis-ease/accident/loss/addictions ) is with us, takes
the acknowledgment that we are indeed co-creators 
To do that, it is important to observe the situation from a place of the greater view ,
the Greater Self, if you will , that holds
no judgment about whatever we have created .
 Be clear about this : the Universe holds no judgments.
Whatever we have created that we do not like we create to embrace into
 the light of our compassionate awareness.
We create it so the fear can be transmuted.
We have been here many times and all the things we create are collective issues .
So, to start with , you may want to write down these questions :
What do i want to learn , what HAVE i learned from the situation/interaction so far ?
When something triggers us, whenever there is a charge,
it is also an opportunity for healing through investigating it.
Take time to inquire into this; write down the answers.
Ask yourself "when did i first ( or last) feel this way and what was that situation?"
Allow that situation to play out before you. This is part of a soul-retrieval:
we can hold ourselves much more consciously now than then.
Then,  FEEL THE FEELING that the situation brings forth.
Embrace the feeling that arises , like you would a child .
 Though there are only 2 feelings - love and fear -
we may have to work our way through other feelings first, all
rooted in judgment.
Allow it to move through, realizing that one feeling will lead
to the underlying one . It is not necessary to really pound a pillow
one can just observe a feeling on a felt-sense level ... allowing it to move through .
 If you are feeling deep grief, you're usually at the root of the feeling
 Allow yourself to be a compassionate witness ...  
Whatever is still in fear in us , whatever is judged/
not in harmony, we will create as a 'problem' in our life ...
or see in the mirror that we perceive to be the problem .
After feeling the feeling and allowing it to move through , you may ask 
yourself : what am i afraid of ? what is the judgment behind the fear ? 
Where there is fear/anger etc., there is also a judgment behind it .
This is often a very old core-belief that we took on as a result of being
in that situation , i.e. ' I am not loveable/ not loved '.
By feeling the fear and holding ourselves from the place of compassionate witness,  
the judgment can align itself . Something dissolves in the Solar Plexus
and can move up into the heart .
It is also to know that everyone involved in the co-creation has created
it for their own learning , to bless everyone,
ourselves included, and to bless our creation so that we may learn from it .
Whether  anyone else involved learns from it or not is not really our business ...
unless there is something to share and it is safe to do so ,
it is only our job to un-wind and understand our own co-creation .
When we take 100% responsibility, there is only one place to forgive ,
if we feel that way still, and that is ourselves ...
Also , taking responsibility in that way doesn't exclude everyone else
to be equally responsible ... it's just their lesson to learn - or not.
The last question you may want to ask yourself is ;
How else can i hold this (situation)?
Meaning , doing a 180 with it . Stand it on it's head  - or yourself,
for that matter . Look at it from a different perspective. Not as a disaster ,
but as a "wondrous" creation that you called in to understand the
pearl of wisdom at the center .
My experience is that when we do this at depth, it is very trans-formative
and gets us to a new place .
Recently, i saw a bumpersticker that earnestly warned : fear is contagious, resist it !
which may be well-meant but reminded me of the validity of the image in Greek myth 
of the Medusa whose head, when cut off, grows back double-fold: 2, 4, 8 and so on.
Fear is that way, when we try to slay it - it will intensify ... thought plus emotion is a
powerful creator of circumstance. We come here for the adventure of the thing and - 
in my view - to learn about co-creation and how to - perhaps - become more 
adept : ) at it... Since we live in this reality of duality, one part of the journey is to live
with the paradox that one can only overcome by surrender - to who we are, not 
to who we are not. That's a riddle that many sincere people have tried to solve/resolve
within a lifetime. It may take a few. Time is not really of consequence when looking 
at the big picture... and that can not be grasped through taking things apart and 
trying to explain them, as science likes to do. Allowing the heart and the mind 
to work together is a way of understanding our woundedness; remembering our 
true Nature happens through getting out of the way altogether.
Which cannot be faked...
Addendum: understanding happenings in this way - that there is no right or wrong,
no "good" or "bad" - presents us with making choices that we continually have to evaluate
in regards to breathing around the judgment while at the same time allowing ourselves to 
become more conscious. That's why connecting the dots is so important.
More knowledge brings more responsibility, always.
To observe ourselves compassionately when we are not living up to our ideals
is one of the most powerful ways of becoming also more truthful.
Pretending we are "there" when we are not is one of the biggest hindrances to
awakening that i've observed, so far. 
The lure of power given to us when we are in a certain place is another ...
Which reminds me of a quote by Gloria Steinem :
" A pedestal is a prison just like any other small, confined space " 

When one knows one's self to be part of the divine ,
when one lives in a place of love rather than fear , one also knows/ 
acknowledges everything else as part of divinity ...
To me, choosing to acknowledge myself as the co-creator of some
rather awful happenings ( that otherwise i might view as me being the
victim )  just opens a different place to look from and
brings in new and different information about something.
As CG Jung said : " whatever is not resolved within will show itself
as a happening without "
*) this material was taken from : the P'Taah tapes, books 1&2 , channeled by Jani King
book 1 : An Act of Faith
book 2 : Transformation of the Species