This is a story in 3 movements that i feel may be helpful to open the view in
regards to what is happening, right now, for many ... as their loved ones are
passing over and being present with that can only happen from a distance.
It is Sunday, May 19 2003, and I am on a hike in the foothills in Boulder, CO.
I have paused about midway up to build what is called an apacheta in the
Peruvian wisdom tradition that I started to be involved with.
An apacheta is a powerpoint, something like a cairn when finished, that directs
energy from the high Mountains down to the flat lands. The foothills have their own energy;
as an in-between place, like any in-between ( i.e. twilight), it is a place for magic,
shape-shifting, transformation, as energies are transformed when they move from
high to low and vice versa.
I only lay out the initial circle for the apacheta, the day is hot, the stones are heavy
and I still have more miles to walk... but when i sit down to look and
take in what is around, i happen to glance down and see a spider sitting
next to me on my right. I see that she is lifting her 2 frontlegs to the sky and even her
head. Yes, sister, i say, thank you, and also stretch my arms and face to the sky:
Hello, Sky, hello, Clouds, hello, Blue ! i exclaim and feel, for an expanded moment,
that feeling that we often have as children, before we are educated away from
being care-free and looking at things as part of rather than separate from...
and have this moment of Infinity and connectedness and Joy that really can't be described.
After a while, i set off again and after about another 2 hours, arrive back home.
Soon after, I receive a phonecall from my sister, whose voice I may
or may not hear only on Christmas, to tell me that my mother has fallen into a
coma and they are not sure if she will come out of it...
It is Friday, May 23. In the past few days, i have held ceremonies in my little
strip of garden at the end of the property on West Pearl. It is a magical little place of
it's own and has been a haven to me for the past 4 years.
I have called to my mother's Spirit, over-
coming my conditioned shyness of talking aloud to Spirit.
I have told her that I love her and that i can let her go, if she wants to let go.
I repeat these words, tears streaming down, feeling torn as i cannot be there
( in Europe ) but also relieved that I can hold space for what's happening in my
own way ... I've come to the conclusion, meanwhile, that when both the spider and I
were raising our faces and limbs to the sky, we were greeting my mother's Spirit ...
( hello, Mother !)
In the late morning, i get another phonecall from my sister telling me that they have
declared my mother deceiced. So once again, I stand in the garden, crying, calling out to
her, telling her i love her, thanking her, blessing her and all the while, there's a thought at the
back of my head : but are you okay ? Is everything alright for you?
And while i am there, standing in my little garden strip, I notice that there is a pair
of chickadees that are checking out the old plumtree ( almost but not quite dead) that
has a small cavity midway up. The tree is small, not more than 10 feet at most, and
about 6 feet from where I'm standing. Chickadees are usually very shy birds, they like
to nest in hidden places further up and are usually quite skittish around people.
But on that day, at the very time when I am standing with my face raised to the sky
once more, silently asking for a sign from my mother to let me know - something -
these chickadees start building their nest.
The chickadee has a certain call, a rather plaintive sounding two-tone call -
if I had audio, you would hear it now.
This was the call that my mother used when I was little and she had been out
to let us know
that she had come home ...
It is the next day. It happens to be my birthday. Acknowledging the symbolism of the cycle
coming together with my mother's passing a day before she gave birth to me long ago,
I decide to walk up into the foothills to honor her Spirit and life, her light and love.
It is very quiet in the foothills of Boulder, as the Creek fest is going on further down
and, apart from streets being blocked off, everyone is there.
The foothills at this time of year are quite magical, as Spring is in general in this rather
arid area. Things are as green as they can get here, flowers bloom, birds flit around
busily and everything is concentrated on becoming. I am grateful for my mother's
passing at such a time of year as a reminder to me of the power of the Godess
in all Her aspects and also about the unusual absence of people.
I seem to have the foothills to myself.
When I am half-way up , i feel something
in my back and turn around to see these huge birds gliding towards me.
Their wings are not moving as they come closer. I had been told that there were
Turkey vultures in Colorado, even in Boulder, nesting, but had not ever seen them in my
9 years living here - and did not see them since in the 15 to follow...
I sit down in awe, counting 7, which in the Tarot, you may know, signifies the Soul.
I expect them to fly over me and onwards , but instead, they start to circle around
me and then settle down in the trees around...
We sit for I don't know how long until I stand up to continue the walk upwards.
Hello Sky, hello Clouds, hello Blue... hello Mama.
This experience of my mother's passing and the signs I received was what allowed
my previously held intellectual understanding that there is a continuum and that
Life encompasses the gates of birth and death, rather than being defined by them...
to drop into my heart and from there, into the fibers of my Being.
There were other happenings, before and after, that were part of this communication
around my mother's passing, but i left them out. Years later, when my father passed and
I did ceremony for him ( also from thousands of miles away) ,
I received once more a string of signs of a very different nature,
but nevertheless very poignant and clear. The thing with signs, in my experience, is that
firstly, we must ask for them. Then, when we receive them, it is up to us to acknowledge
them as such, in our hearts. All too often, some conditioned thinking will want to
explain something away that has significance to us.
Signs can have different qualities, humorous or with unexpected
implications, but of significance to us individually. Other family members may receive
completely different communication and sometimes, the signs may be obvious to all.
The point is, when something is meaningful to you, acknowledge it and see if there's
more to it than perhaps you're first aware of...
In this way, we can take part in the great transformational process of transitioning
that someone is going through ... we don't have to be in the same room as they are.
All we have to do is be present with, wherever we are, with heart and mind open.
Spirit has no boundaries...
Bless you, whoever you are and however.
I've been contemplating, lately, a greater sense of awareness of the field that
we are surrounded by and live within, expanding beyond Earth
I read a book , once, by an Indian holy man who said that with
every tool we develop to help us have greater connection/ communication/
technological advantage in manipulating the world to our advantage,
we loose an inborn potential to develop these things without technology...
It is something worth pondering, how our crutches undo our potential,
keeping in mind that so far, we only use about 10 ?% of our brain capacity.
As young children, we often have a love affair with the natural world - we
are excited by it, we are astonished by it, we are charmed.
Then, we get all those explanations as to how and why, and soon, we too,
have a very different understanding of our environment:
rather than seeing it as magical, we regard it as mechanical. This has
added tremendously to our suffering, becoming 'dis-enchanted', as much
as to the suffering of the world around us.
Scientists nowadays have discovered in painstaking and costly ways
something that comes to us naturally when we are young :
- Everything is connected to everything.
- We are born out of an intelligent Web of Life, rather than dumb matter.
- Everything around us is responsive.
Indigenous peoples have been trying for centuries to remind the 'modern',
western world of this. What we are asked to nowadays, having
co-created extreme weather, pollution, pandemics that decimate lifestock
and our selves etc. is to step it up. Prophecies were made by indigenous
peoples about a time when we would be called to expand our consciousness
to allow for a greater understanding of how and that everything is
connected to everything. This knowledge has been part of so-called 'primitive'
understanding. It is indigenous in all of us, unless we are educated
away from it...
So, we are here now to become aware of the power of our (individual and
I grew up, like many, with the impression that to love also means to worry.
When we care about someone, the emotional content of our thinking is many
times directed towards warding off "evil" by making sure we worry well and
good about what could happen to them. To be prepared.
Little do we realize the power of our fear to call on exactly what we are afraid of.
This is a rather grave state of affairs, because the extent of it has led,
in my understanding, to what we are witnessing right now.
In my life, I have had the priviledge and the challenge to not have a personal
computer or have much to do with the maintenance of one.
Partly, my resistance to the whole techno revolution has to do with what
i mentioned above ( not that i have much psychic talents, but what i have
i like) but mostly, it has to do with the infiltration of fearful messages
directly trying to influence and manipulate us - firewalls coming down,
identities stolen, possible hacking of sensitive information etc. pp.
Can it not be possible that through this collective emphasis on fear, of
'invasion' of some sort, we have called on a global situation of house
arrest?? Which, by the way, makes me aware of the Godess working in
mysterious ways, so that we actually do get some time to sit back, reflect,
disengage from the ridiculous rat race that we have invented that
ties us into 'making a living' by (making a) killing, in all it's various forms
and being in, if not happy, then at least persistent denial of driving
everything into the ground, so to speak...
So, if you really care about someone/ some"thing", think of them in a loving way.
Surround them with light and beautiful colors, wish on them the courage,
power and energy that you would love to also have: it has an effect on you,
as well. Our body-beings react to our thoughts, especially coupled with
emotion, as if they were real. Being in perpetual fear for ourselves or
others is not caring or loving, as has been ingrained in us.
It is the opposite of it.
Change is easy. It doesn't mean being in denial. It means invoking a loving
field around all we care about...
Last but not least, to tie into the story above about my mother's passing and
communication with Spirit: My mother was the ultimate worrier.
Surviving WW2 in Europe as a child/teenager will do that to you.
War does not end when the bombs stop falling. It goes on in the tissue of
people, worming it's way into the next 2 generations. More, if not acknowledged
and transmuted... A year after her passing, i was on a hike in the foothills
of Boulder once more when i heard a hawk call near by.
Suddenly, she came at me ( i assumed it was a mother protecting her young)
and then disappeared. I waited but did not see her anymore. For some reason,
I felt drawn to step off the path and as i was looking around, i saw an
object on the ground that didn't seem to belong. I bent down to discover
a small crucifix ( with Jesus) and, not far from it, i saw a stone:
a 'worry' stone, polished and broken in half.
It was a perfect message that i attributed to my mother:
"Worry less, more faith"
(We did not grow up in a religious household, so the meaning of the crucifix
was more generic to me... To quote Ghandi : "God has no religion")